LIGHTS

About a year ago from now I took pride in seeing practically every bone in my body clearly through my skin, eating disorders take up your mind and thoughts and start gripping onto your life. Sometimes I still feel that constant and absolute need for collar bones and to see my pelvis or my ribs, I knew I looked grotesque but it’s something you can’t control. After that I went through a serious depression and often tried to breathe solvent in the hope it’d make me really ill. Life was dark, cold, and horrible to endure, I often felt like I was dead and I’m pretty sure part of me was. Then my friends didn’t notice how terrible things were getting, and I started hanging out with popular girls. For a while they were lovely, then started suspecting things were wrong but only found me to be annoying for being so down and quiet. I used to look in the medicine cupboard at home thinking about what would kill me, and sometimes I tried for real to get it over with, but I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to, so so badly, I used to tear up about the fact that I wanted to be dead but something just kept pulling me back. I looked in a mirror at some point, and thought about what I was doing, this wasn’t me at all. I had to eat, and I did, it was horrifying at first but i mentally kicked myself and just ate. I drank a lot, ate a considerable amount and felt so much better, from then I just ate all my meals and stayed healthy. I saw beautiful changes, my face became full again and I can’t see all my bones anymore, it took a while for the light to come back to my eyes though, but when I opened up to others I started to see clear. Now I love life even though it’s not the best, and every day gets better. I wouldn’t even think about hurting myself ever again or doing all the things I did, life is now an almost constant euphoria and I just urge everyone to stay alive, please! It gets better, and I’m sure that when school’s over and done with it’ll be even brighter. I’m learning to love myself, I’m much more confident, and most of all I’m happy and healthy. I will always be here for my followers, remember that. Eating disorders can weaken over time, it’s a long process but I did it. I was bulimic and now there are no traces whatsoever of it. I love you guys.

t-i-g-e-r-p-r-i-n-c-e-s-s:

And every year I get angry at how everyone just votes for their neighbours

But I still end up watching it